“Oh no!” I hear you proclaim. It’s nearly February 14th, the sexiest of all the days of the year, and here you are without someone to dote upon and give flowers to.
Well fret not! Because I am back once more to be your pro-wrestling Cupid. If my Stardom Valentine’s cards didn’t find you a wife or a husband, then maybe you were just looking for love in the wrong promotion. So this year, I’m turning to the biggest promotion in Japan: New Japan Pro Wrestling. Success is sure to be yours, because I’ve not met a man or woman who would say no to Hiroshi Tanahashi. Stupid Sexy Ace.
I’ve compiled the most romantic, sure fire one liners. All you need to do is put your name and the name of your beloved (if you know it) on the card. Pick their favourite wrestler to show how much attention you pay to them and surely their heart will belong to you like the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship belongs to Kazuchika Okada!
Let’s start big, with some of the most recognisable faces in the company
Perhaps your crush is a Los Ingobernables De Japon fan. It’s statistically likely considering how damn popular they are. Well I have you covered!
Of course some people are drawn to the bad boys (what’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when they come for you?). Well, Bullet Club and the House of Torture are just what you need!
Then there’s CHAOS. Though using these cards shouldn’t provide any chaos in your love life, it should in fact be smooth sailing.
Bullet Club might be the ‘foreigner’ faction but we’ve seen the rise of two new ones of late: the United Empire and TMDK. Can’t let the local boys have all the fun!
Let’s play roulette! Mystery wrestlers and mystery factions!
That’s a lot of cards to pick from. Some of them are pretty decent too! One of them must hold the key to you finding love. However, it’s always good to have one last ace up your sleeve in case you’re struggling. You’ve got to listen to a referee right?
There you go my puroresu lovebirds! Time to stop being a singles star and form that tag team. If you want to go for the NEVER Openweight Six Man Titles, who am I to judge? Happy Valentine’s Day!
Why must I be cursed to lead people to love that I can never attain? I’d settle for a Valentine’s card with a WWE wrestler on it…